I moved :)

Hi all!  If you’ve liked to see where I’ve moved to in blog land, here it is!

http://kimberlylouise.wordpress.com

It’s a new day for me… and I’ve been posting for a while on this new blog, but neglected to tell my former readers! 

Tim reads the blogs and says they’re more like a journal entry…and I would say He’s right.  I find I spend more time on this trusty little computer of mine, so my thoughts come fleeting by that I would like to journal…and this is what’s at hand :)

See you on the other page!

It’s Official: I’ve lost my mind

• Crying…
• Feeling Like I want to Chew Everyone’s Head Off, especially mine
• Can’t sleep because of the never ending list in my head….
• Feel like somehow I am not living up to people’s expectations, even though this one day should be a time and space to celebrate us
• Being humbled by the words and prayers people have given me
• Packing all too much for the honeymoon… (this part is the unexpected)\
• Really needing Tim around but he’s away in Kent, playing with friends and working hard so we can have some sort of funds’
• Listening to worship music because it’s the only thing that’s helping me stay grounded and reminded of the Holy Spirit
• Sick to my stomach every night from nerves, excitement, and wanting it to be August 7th already.

Mostly this is how I’ve been in the last week.  You could blame it on the heat, but I am lost lately.  I have had the mindset that this wedding will happen to matter what does or doesn’t get done.  Our wonderful pastor assured us that no matter what, we will leave as man and wife.  But something’s happened to my head…and heart.  They are lost.  I just want Tim to be back, to have this upcoming wedding this weekend come and go so we can have our date on Tuesday.  So I can just walk with a peace this weekend.  But it won’t be Tim who brings that.  He does bring a sense of saftey with him, but God is my God of Peace, of Hope, of Sound Mind.

Jesus guide me.  I don’t want to miss these moments and opportunities as I run through lists.  Help this to be a true celebration, especially next week.  But help me to learn to sit back and know that I can celebrate today the gifts you’ve given me. 

I’m so tired.  The evening makes meotions stronger.  Time to try and sleep.  Goodnight, Moon.

Only You

I am listening to this lovely worship anthem to Christ.

“Only You” by David Crowder.

There is nothing like worship surrounding you to remind you of the Power and Hope in Christ.

Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it upto You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You

I hope this reminds you that it is all about us and God, becoming more like-minded to Christ, so that we can live a life of constant praise, reflecting the Father in all we do and say.  What a challenge!  So glad He’s on my side.

Love,

Kim

I’m making Tim carry me over the threshold…

that is, if my parents don’t get to me first! Tomorrow I go up to Seattle to take the boxes out of the Maiden’s Cottage and sign the lease, and with my parents’ help, start to move into our marriage apartment! Tim will be working all day Friday in Vashon, so I won’t get to see him :( But once we’re there together, he’s carrying me over the threshold :) I’m excited for it!

Just need to hit the books today so I pass my board exam on Sunday. Prayer for me to have peace and a sound mind is what I need right about now. Trust in God.

I’ll post pictures soon!!!

:)

Where Have I Been?

So…this one may be a little deep.

Tonight I had a great half hour with Tim. It’s been a week since I’ve seen him, and slowly, since I’ve been graduated, I have been coming back to “focus” on him and on us. Really, I think that me being in school was no excuse. Yes, I’ve walked through depressed and anxious times in the last year. HOWEVER, he needed me. It hurts me to think that I have no fully been “there,” and I don’t think that it’s a good pattern to set-up. I will say that it shows how God gives us seasons…seasons where we need in each other in different ways and in different levels.

“Lord, thank you for the gift that Tim is. Thank you for his heart to serve. Help heal us as a couple. Help me to find ways to bless him. Help us to grow in our faiths in you, in our faith in you and in the way we love one another. Thank you for tonight, for Tim’s sweet heart, and for a new season for both of us. Father, please go before us. Prepare us to have a marriage that is surrounded by you, comes from you, and serves you and each other. God continue to renew us. I do ask for a job for me, a career in nursing, and for a place for us to make a home. You are Lord of our lives and our new life together- I turn it all over to you once again.”

I look forward to the days ahead. It is difficult for me to stop by head and heart from worry, and trust in God. I feel so fallen, that I cannot trust that the Creator who knows me better than I know myself does not have my complete trust. Father, forgive me. I need your grace and to re-focus on my Savior, on my vision, on His love and heart for me. Life is not without trials, but it is also not without gifts. I am nevous that God will MAKE us wait for a job, for a home….but I need to trust that He will do what is always best.

Hmm…I need Him.

Breastmilk

I can smell it on me. And, no, I have not worked with breastfeeding women at the hospital. And, NO, I am not lactating.

However, last night Tim and I had a war of whipped cream. It was hilarious and we maintained purity… we just needed to mop the kitchen floor at my lovely residence afterward. I think the scent is just caked into my nostrils, because I’ve showered twice. It just has that distinctive odor of old breastmilk/ spit-up.

Anyway, that’s what’s on my mind today…

18 and counting!

I cried yesterday. If you ever want to watch a great show: watch “A Very Duggar Wedding” from TLC’s 18 and counting. http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/18-kids-and-counting/slideshows/josh-anna-big-announcement.html

Josh may be a bit of a pigheaded guy (can I say that without knowing him?)… but it’s still a sweet episode.

Love it.

Watch it.

Cry.

PS- whichever little Duggar thought of wiring the horn to the brakes was genious :)

:)

Ah…(if only it was) August!

So…
The tickets are booked!
A Three-Part honeymoon adventure awaits. 

First our lovely spot at this little oasis on the Oregon Coast http://www.archcapeinn.com/ 

Then, off to explore our adventurous side at this little place

Grand Californian Hotel at California Adventure

Then off to wherever we will be living to finish off our honeymoon in our new home!

With all of this to say, thinking about the future together hasn’t always been the easiest road.  Like all married couples (well…most), Tim and I come from different families.  This plays such a huge role in why we love each other- and why we can get on each other’s nerves. 

The future sounds great: wedding, honeymoon, marriage, a life together with no more goodnight/goodbyes… but really the logistics are getting to me.  I am tired of applying for jobs- and have yet to find one!  Tim and I are working out what it will mean to live as a married couple financially- and all of this tends to weigh on me.  I feel like I’m behind in school work, behind in wedding planning, behind in bettering my health and fitness, and behind in my relationship with God.  This all is so draining.  I just need my Jesus.  As I am typing (what I like to call “verbally processing”- I am recognizing that all of those areas are OK to lack in- all except One.  I need more God.  I need hope again.  I need life.  I need the Lord to carry me, to challenge me, to remind me of who I am as a daughter of the King…

SO as I look forward to August…and all that comes along with it, I also look to now, into myself to find where I have been stashing God away for when He is convenient.  I will leave this post with this: Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ…. not even ourselves.  That is hope in itself.

I want to have a baby

Yes.  It’s true. 
Do you ever have those moments where you see a young, chubby-cheeked, cooing kid and think, “MMM…I need to get me some of that!”?  Ok…that sounded strange… but it’s true.

I think something that doen’t help this little craving I get every once in a while is that Tim wants kids even more than I do.  Thus, when he sees one, he can’t help but smile and sigh, and if I’m there, he looks back at me with puppy-dog eyes and is thinking “She would be a beautiful mother, I can’t wait.”  It’s true!  He’s confessed.  His boss can tell he wants kids and mentions it as he gravitates toward them and smiles :) 

HOWEVER, all this aside, I do not desire to have kids any time in the near future.  No.  Should God drop one on my doorsetp, I would probably faint and maybe even die.  It wouldn’t be pretty.  No matter how cute, huggable and darn right perfect they may seem- the ones I see are not mine, and therefore have nasty temper tantrums, an ability to cry 23 hrs/day and would never allow me to sleep.  Babysitting sounds good for now.  It REALLY does.

Story of my life: i should be studying :)

This will be a “random set of facts” for your reading pleasure :)

1) My favorite new quote from Tim: “Your kisses are so sweet I’m gonna get cavities!”  I was pretty sure he borrowed it from a first grader, but alas!  It was his own :)

2) Flowers

3) Cake

4) Bridesmaid Dresses (finally!)

5) Anniversary Surprise for some special people :)

6) Although it feels like winter, I’m tempted to spur-on Spring to come by wearing skirts… am Ibrave enough?!?

Hello, world!  I’m back to the books!