- Crying…
- Feeling Like I want to Chew Everyone’s Head Off, especially mine
- Can’t sleep because of the never ending list in my head….
- Feel like somehow I am not living up to people’s expectations, even though this one day should be a time and space to celebrate us
- Being humbled by the words and prayers people have given me
- Packing all too much for the honeymoon… (this part is the unexpected)\
- Really needing Tim around but he’s away in Kent, playing with friends and working hard so we can have some sort of funds’
- Listening to worship music because it’s the only thing that’s helping me stay grounded and reminded of the Holy Spirit
- Sick to my stomach every night from nerves, excitement, and wanting it to be August 7th already.
Mostly this is how I’ve been in the last week. You could blame it on the heat, but I am lost lately. I have had the mindset that this wedding will happen to matter what does or doesn’t get done. Our wonderful pastor assured us that no matter what, we will leave as man and wife. But something’s happened to my head…and heart. They are lost. I just want Tim to be back, to have this upcoming wedding this weekend come and go so we can have our date on Tuesday. So I can just walk with a peace this weekend. But it won’t be Tim who brings that. He does bring a sense of saftey with him, but God is my God of Peace, of Hope, of Sound Mind.
Jesus guide me. I don’t want to miss these moments and opportunities as I run through lists. Help this to be a true celebration, especially next week. But help me to learn to sit back and know that I can celebrate today the gifts you’ve given me.
I’m so tired. The evening makes meotions stronger. Time to try and sleep. Goodnight, Moon.
Lord I praise you for your faithfulness in Kim and Tim’s lives. For bringing them together in a way so unique that it could only be your Sovereign hand. I thank you for their faithfulness in seeking you, discerning your will and deciding to make the giant leap of faith that marriage is. Faith because we are all fallen, broken humans. Because we anger, we hurt, we lash out, we fail, we disappoint. Faith because we have no guarantees in this life but you designed marriage and called it good; because you created it before any other institution. Because you use the metaphor of marriage for your love relationship with us and allow us the deepest experience of love on earth through marriage. Calm Kim’s racing heart. Remind her that she is normal, human, wonderfully made. Remind her that details can make a wedding run flawlessly, but details don’t make a marriage flawless. Only by Your Spirit and Your scandelous grace do we walk victoriously in relationship with another fallen, broken human. Remind Kim that whether the flower girl makes it down the isle, whether the sound works perfectly or not, whether everyone gets enough to eat or the photographer catches the perfect moments, that YOU are present and singing, rejoicing, celebrating over Kim and Tim as you fufill in them Your. Good. Purposes! Father I praise you for marriage because it the sweetest, most challenging, most incredibly wonderful gift and you are pleased to bless these two with such a gift. A love gift from a Father who loves to see His kids happy and growing. Please Father wash Kim over with your perfect peace. Remove doubts, remove fears, remove anxiety, remove frustration. None of those things are from You. Place in each of their hearts the same Holy Excitement that you feel as You and the Host of Angels prepare for an amazing celebration on Friday as two of your kids become one in the great holy mystery of matrimony. Lord, my heart sings with joy along with you. Give Kim a big hug, Lord Jesus. We praise you! Amen.